So, if I told you that I have ANOTHER birthday party this weekend would you believe me?  I probably wouldn’t but, I do, in fact, have another party this weekend…LT will be 2 tomorrow.  Gawd, 2years old….Hell he hasn’t even been weaned a year…isn’t he 8 yet??

My party at B’s house was so much fun!!  I got a cool Ozzy Osbourne doll (yes, I *love* ‘The Osbournes’) and a German thermometer/barometer thing, it ROCKS! And some kick ass turtle stuff and blue glass!! HOOO HOOO!! I have enough blue glass shit in my house to start my own company, but I won’t…I *really* like my blue glass.  Alrighty then, sorry this week has sucked in the Entry Department, but I’ve been with the Dh making up for his week in Florida..it’s amazing what happens when your husband of almost 6 years leaves for a week and hangs out with the in-laws (those corrupting fools that they are) without you around…yep, just amazing…… I’ll be back next week with, MAYBE some more exciting enteries, I apologize, folks for the lack of centent and lack of reading SIRs…I’ll be better, REALLY!

I upgraded my cell phone.  I do this often.  I upgrade things A LOT.  I don’t use my cell phone for insane amounts of time.  As a matter of fact the battery usually runs out because it’s just been sitting in my purse turned on in case someone calls.  But when a new cooler phone comes out, there I am with my hand out wanting it.  I always get it.  It’s the superficial, vain me…in the bold, bright flesh.  I like it this way.  Being vain and superficial is fun at times.  I’m only like that with certain things.  I think it’s the whole principle of, “Look at me, I can afford this and I can have what I want.”  It’s not all materialistic, sure the phone is, but life isn’t.  I like my ‘things’, or ‘gadgets’…they make me happy, they aren’t ALL that make me happy they are just a tiny, miniscule part of what makes me happy.  I’m glad that I can afford things like this, because seriously…what good is money if you can’t spend it?

  At any rate, my phone ROCKS in a hard hard way!  It’s just like a little mini-laptop that I can play around with, surf the web, use my own photos as wallpaper…it just fucking R O C K S!!!!!!!  And now my techno-geek husband is so jealous of my phone…it will synchronize with my email if I want it to.  DH thinks that I get the new-fangled stuff that isn’t really as cool as they (the marketers of said ‘stuff’) say it is…..this phone though, is BETTER than they say it is….Oh I love my phone, yes I do!  And here she is in all her beautiful glory…..

Isn’t she PRETTY!?!?!

 

Wow, nothing to say.  Go take the ‘TurtleMama or Not?’ quiz and let’s see how well you know me!   It’s on the left side module, at the very tippy top…I’m off for more coffee and less thinking…Spring is here, the weather is beautiful, maybe I’ll go shoot some pictures.  Have a great Monday, Folks.  I’ll try to come up with something to write tomorrow..

The DH comes home today, YAY!  I still have a TON of laundry to do.  And my Conceptual Design homework…not even started (it’s due Monday).  Yep, I’m going to be a busy gal today.  Oh, I have to go to petsmart and Office Depot, too!  BUT…I did want to say to all those people who told me to calm down waiting for spring, winter just got here..blah blah blah……

Click for full view
   

    

These are just a few that I took yesterday, OUTSIDE!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Spring is HERE, sort of…..
I love the south, I really really do!

Part II of Evil MIL…Final Chapter

 

 

Now, remember when I said that she was blind?  Well when we went to Memphis while I was pregnant, she was creating/painting T-shirts.  And they were pretty good, I mean they looked like they were suppose to.  Then she tells us that she’s starting to do wood-burning art plaque thingies..yes folks, the blind lady was BURNING WOOD BY HERSELF DURING THE DAY..HELLFUCKINGOOO!?!?!  She played shuffle board, and was undefeated…yep blind…can’t see shit…until you mention it to her then it’s “Well if I get a bright enough light and big enough magnifying glass I can see outlines.”  Cause you know blindness is really just a big shadow, MORE LIGHT!

 Well around that time she was diagnosed MS…advanced stages of MS (yeah, don’t even go into detail about the advanced stages of MS, the woman was still playing shuffleboard, walking, all that shit).  So she is telling everyone in the family that her MS is really bad and she needs a wheelchair, she can’t drive for very long or fly…Travel is virtually out of the question.  (Well unless of course you’re going from TN to FL, flying right over GA to celebrate your 7^th wedding anniversary then the MS isn’t that bad).  Now after BT was born this MS got worse.  Now today, she’s telling everyone that she has to get a heart transplant…she still smokes.  Yeah, I have news for her, she ain’t getting a fucking heart if she’s still smoking.

 

  Well DH starts to get upset and begins mentioning that maybe we should go see her so that she could her only true grandson (because believe me she bragged to us about her step-grandchild, that was born to her 16 year old step-daughter who had more problems than a group therapy meeting).  Well I still wouldn’t budge, I wasn’t taking my children to that woman, she can come see us if she loves DH and my son so much….Well then I tried to rectify everything with her and I invited her to our house for Thanksgiving…well she couldn’t come they had to go to Arkansas (her and her DH, alone)…whatever, I tried..I gave up, told DH forget it I’m done trying, the lady can forget about us for all I care.

Well then LT was born.  DH wasn’t on the best terms with his mom but he called her and told her that he was a he and told her his name.  LT’s middle name is my FIL’s first name.  That’s when the apron strings started really unraveling.

 

See, this story is so fucking long that I left out the whole conversation in Memphis about what a dickhead my FIL was to my MIL and how he’s a sorry SOB and a bad husband, father and man.  Oh yeah, I hardly knew this woman or her family and she was trashing this man that I had NEVER met.  DH thought that his father was terrible, until I made him call his father and patch things up.  We were in the process of buying a house and my FIL, who had never met me or his grandson and hadn’t spoken with his own son in over 2 years, told DH that he knew how hard it was to buy a house and he was sure that we needed a little money to get us started and he sent us a check for $1,000.00  No questions asked, told DH it was our wedding gift (I think I got a rolling pin from my MIL).

 

So, MIL is now flying back and forth over Atlanta and is still bitching about us every chance she gets.  DH and I still think that GMIL and SIL and maybe even GFIL are still pissed with us.  But the grandparents are coming to see us, we’re planning to go see them.  FIL has been up to see us more times than my MIL has ever called my house.  I think things are just going to settle down, and the whole ordeal with not seeing MIL is just going to fade away….Then the letter comes.

 

SIL writes a letter to DH screaming and yelling and telling him things that happened between their mother, DH, and my self…yeah, SIL wasn’t even in the same fucking state when all this shit happened yet she told us what REALLY happened…just because Aliens might have abducted us and brainwashed us to hate ‘the perfect mother’ (yes, that little rant is just dripping sarcasm).  So I finally have had enough.  DH has been in therapy trying to sort all this out.  These gawddamn morons won’t leave us alone and get the fucking picture, so I write out a letter and I send it to EVERY FUCKING WOMAN in DH’s family.  I tell the complete truth and it turns into 4 pages of “Look, shut the fuck up, we’ve tried to be nice to you people but nothing is good enough, so just fuck off if you don’t like and don’t blame us for your shortcomings as a mother/grandmother or sister/aunt” GMIL at this point finally likes me and we get along.  Well, SIL fires back ANOTHER letter, this time sending it to everyone like I did before…again the letter is filled with ‘truths’ that we (DH and myself) never knew about.  But of course SIL knew her mother had told her.  Her mother that, by this point, is ‘not as blind as we thought she was.’  Yeah, that little secret came out and now she isn’t as blind as before, the bright lights must have worked….

 

  Then we went to FL this past Dec and found out that GMIL and GFIL agree with us that if MIL won’t make the effort then screw her, she doesn’t need to see her grandkids, she can just be pissed.  SIL is still all on her mother’s side because SIL loves drama and she’ll stick up for whichever side would cause the most waves.  So my MIL finally stopped sending gifts this past year, no birthday cards, hell not even a Christmas card…no acknowledgement at all.  She finally told DH for the last time that, “I don’t have a son anymore!!!”  He finally (after therapy obviously) said, “Good then I don’t have a mother.” 

 

It’s nasty and it’s wrong and it shouldn’t be this way, but I’ve tried and I’m tired of trying and life is way too fucking short to try to please everyone and run myself ragged.  So fuck her if she doesn’t want to make the effort, fuck her if she thinks I’m a terrible mean person.  She and GMIL and SIL actually sat around one night talking about how they couldn’t believe I actually had any friends I was such a mean nasty person, DH’s cousin stuck up for me though and said, “Really? I REALLY like Turtle!  She’s cool! And I’ve met some of her friends, and she’s met mine and they all like her.  Huh.”  Gotta love the In-Laws that love you!  Now, go fill up that coffee mug grab a smoke or a cookie or something, you deserve it.  That is my short version of ‘MIL from Hell’……people tell me I need to write a book about my life stories, they’re that good…maybe they are!

 

Oh, and remember MIL’s MS?  Well I was just informed that she was walking around the house in FL (up and down stairs, outside, inside, standing up outside smoking..etc) everyone told her to sit down and she said, “I’ve been sittin’ all day, I want to stand!”  But when it came time to go to the funeral home to get a casket, she acted like her legs didn’t work at all.  She had to basically be rolled into her wheelchair from the car…Old habits die HARD.

 

Next, in my ‘Saga of Married Life’…Evil SIL…..stay tuned!

How Much do You Really Want to Know About Me?

 

Seeing as we’re on the subject of family over here in TurtleMama Land……Let’s talk about my MIL.  Yes, the dreaded MOTHER-IN-LAW [insert dramatic drum roll here]…DH is on his way to FL, I am staying behind with the kids because they are much too young to be put into a situation with funerals, adults crying (and DH’s family is full of drama-queens and I am not being a huge raving bitch here, they truly are drama QUEENS!), so taking kids into this situation isn’t the best idea in the world.  So we (myself and the children) are staying behind.  Dh’s grandmother understands this, DH’s Aunt and Uncle and cousins understand this, and if miracles really do happen, my evil SIL even understands somewhat (ok, seriously, she doesn’t understand, she thinks kids are little trophies to tote around and show off and signify what a true adult you are..thank gawd she doesn’t have any…yet) Ok, back to the point of the entry….

 

DH is dreading going to FL, not because his grandfather died, that was expected, but because his mother will be there (my MIL).  See this is a long story, go grab your coffee, hot cocoa, diet coke, coke, sprite, what-the-fuck-ever you drink and come back when you’re good and ready to read…..

Back already? Great let’s begin the saga that is my married life…..

 

I met my soon-to-be MIL about 4 months after I met DH.  Dh and I knew we were going to get married, we knew that we belonged together.  We decided that since all of his family would be in FL for his grandparents 50^th wedding anniversary I should just meet them all at once.  Sounded good to me at the time (hey, I thought, it can’t be any worse than my first set of in-laws).  I was prepared with everyone informing me that MIL was ill, she had an aneurysm a few years back and was blind and her health wasn’t the best.  But supposedly she was one cool lady.  I went to FL with high hopes that I would meet some really cool people and they might all love me.  On the surface it seemed that they did all love me, they seemed to be ok people, not the type I was used to but nothing too fucked up, like the first set of IL’s.  So, things are going smoothly, DH’s grandmother doesn’t seem to like me, but everyone assures me that she does that to EVERYONE, she just has to come around (think a mother lioness protecting her grandcubs, and you have my GMIL).  Well DH’s mom seems pretty cool, everyone was giving her sympathy because she was blind and yeah, it seemed like that would suck.

 

So, I’m getting a little comfortable and I decide to go with MIL and SIL to pick up the corsages for the anniversary party.  Well MIL is riding in the back of the van when she tells SIL, “K you just missed it….I think.”  I was thinking, “How cool!  She grew up down here and can sense where she is, I’ve read about this in Good Housekeeping and shit..COOL!”  Well we turn around and SIL goes in to get the Orchids and MIL and I are in the van.  I mention/compliment her on the job she did raising DH and told her that I’ve met some crappy men and I must say that he’s turned out pretty well, even though he’s still a man.  We laughed a little then she replied to me with this; “Well, I did a damn good job considering that I didn’t have any help from his sorry SOB of a father.  [DH] a good kid and I was a good mother to him and K.”  I was sort of taken aback.  I was expecting a polite, “Thank You, he is a good kid.”  Instead I get the lecture of his sorry father…ok, well there is still a little resentment there, no biggie right?….Oh then it gets even BETTER!

 

Fast forward to about 6 months later and I’m 4mos pregnant and MIL has called and harassed DH about bringing me to see her because she hasn’t ‘seen’ me since I became pregnant (DH and I weren’t married yet).  So we go up there, keep in mind that I’m a first time mom and I’ve read more than my fair share of pregnancy and prenatal books.  MIL smokes, as does her husband..A LOT.  So I mention to DH that I would prefer it if she didn’t smoke around me, well that wasn’t going to happen…he didn’t have the money for a hotel room and you just don’t tell her not to smoke (oh really?).  So I thought, ok fine whatever let’s go get this over with. 

 

We get up there and MIL wants us to go and meet her and her DH’s friends at ‘The Hill’.  Ok, what is the hill is the first thing I start thinking. Come to find out it’s a seedy bar on the outskirts of Memphis.  Oh great just where a new mother SHOULD be hanging out when she’s trying to bring a healthy child into the world..smoky bars, YAY!  I explain to Dh that he is to tell his mother that I WILL NOT be joining them at a smoky bar, two smokers night and day for a long weekend is enough, I don’t need a whole fucking bar full, thankyouverymuch.  Well Dh tells her and of course she screams about how we won’t stay long and it isn’t THAT smoky (compared to what? A forest fire?).  So we go and for the next 2 hours I am breathing from my ice water cup and trying not to puke all over myself and this lovely bar…yeah, I should have just upchucked all over everything, that would have been GREAT!…

 

Fast forward to my wedding 3 months later…DH’s mother arrives and tells me how I’m being silly to stop smoking and she smoked with both kids and they’re both fine (DH has asthma and his sister was in NICU for 3 days after being born, with lung problems none the less…yep they were FINE, that nicotine HELPED them! Hoooboy!).  Then she proceeds to tell me how I’m going to start smoking and I’ll want to go back to work too, being a SAHM is boring and I’ll want to get a job (at a liquor store I’m sure).  Wedding ends, she flies back to Memphis…….

 

Now after our wedding and when I first met the family at the wedding anniversary weekend, SIL came into all this and that is another post in its self but right now we’re focusing on the MIL..

 

Three months after I give birth was my SIL’s wedding, to a man that she knew a whole week before they became ‘engaged’.  Now this guy was blatantly cheating on SIL but she didn’t care, her brother had a wife and kids so she HAD to get a husband and at least a couple kids to beat him out….So, her wedding comes up and I have PPD pretty bad and don’t want to go get the mail let alone take my baby and my crazy self to a wedding that was to have well over 200 people there.  So DH calls and regretfully informed them that we couldn’t make it.  Well there was my one and only strike, I’m now the evil, wicked, monstrous, witch of the south…watch out..hide your children, here I come!

 

MIL, GMIL, SIL all write letters, call, scream, curse, you name it..We’re told that I’m a jealous hag, he’s been pussy whipped and brainwashed and that I’m just a mean nasty rude person and don’t want to go to my SIL’s ‘real wedding’ (actual quote, like my wedding wasn’t real.).  So, everyone seems to get over that whole fiasco and then we happen upon the next one….

 

Everyone wants us to take the baby to see DH’s family….all over the Southeast.  Dh’s grandparents tell us that DH’s gradfather is about dead, they didn’t think he’d make it through SIL’s wedding (just for the record, he made it through her first wedding, first divorce, and second marriage, which was last month…pretty good track record if you ask me).  So we go to FL to see the grandparents..GMIL still acts like she doesn’t like me, SIL won’t even drive 20 mins to see her nephew (her friend is coming into town, who lives about an hour away in another city in FL, so she couldn’t come see her first nephew, who lives in another fucking state). DH’s Grandfather, loves me..and I him, this drives the women even crazier…hehehehe.

 

So, we finally leave FL and DH’s mother calls him and this begins the YEARS of guilt trips and screaming matches.  MIL then starts trashing me at family affairs, as does SIL and GMIL.  They don’t like me because I won’t run around the Southeast showing off my baby.

 

Well it just so happened that DH’s cousin, liked me, A LOT and she sat silently and listened to everything being said about me then reported back to me…the plethora of information was overwhelming, and just slap ass GREAT entertainment! 

So, here we have all of DH’s family (the women anyway) pissed at DH and hating me with a purple passion.  I can’t even remember all the conversations that DH had with his mother about how she just needs to come see us, we’ll meet her at the airport, whatever she wants to do.  Well she can’t meet us at the airport because she doesn’t feel well enough to fly….well, she doesn’t feel well enough to fly but can drive from Memphis to Arkansas.  She can’t lay over in Atlanta on her way from Memphis to Jacksonville because it costs too much (we offered to pay for it). She flew to Jacksonville more times than I can count, but NEVER laid over or stopped for a brief visit. (Basically my one rule was, “Come see us, we’ll come see you….but I’m not hauling myself and child and husband all over the gawd damnned free world to see your ass, sorry).  So MIL now officially hates me.

 

PartII, III and I think IV but I’m not sure…will come tomorrow, Thurs and possibly Fri.!

 

*The format, puncuation, spelling and all that were NOT checked, because this came to FOUR fucking pages in Word and I am NOT going to go back through and check everything, you can kiss my ass if you want to be a Nazi about it…so long as the story gets told, who really fucking cares? It’s late and I’m tired…LOL

Where to Start?

Well, Dh was called yesterday morning by his cousin and was informed that his grandfather had passed away at home.  The freaky thing was that it had just happened, the Fire Dept had called her dad to let him know and she called DH while her dad was talking to the Fire Dept.  The Fire Dept was still at DH’s grandparents house.

Dh’s Grandmother came home and found him laying on the dining room floor.  I can’t even imagine walking in your own home like a normal day and finding your husband of almost 56 years lying dead on the floor.  Not to mention that because of where he was found, it is probably safe to assume that he was actually heading towards the phone.  I really hope he didn’t suffer any.  He has been quite ill for sometime, he had cancer, diabetes, and numerous heart attacks.  It’s amazing he lived as long as he did.

DH is dealing rather well.  He has been told for over 23 years that his ‘Papa’ is about dead.  Finally it happened.  When you expect something for 23 years, when it finally does happen it seems like a dream.  The whole family seems to be taking it rather well, which is a nice change of pace from when we were down there in Dec because of DH’s dad.

DH will be heading to FL on Weds and will be back hopefully, by Friday evening.  The kids are still too young to be thrust into that type of situation.  Besides, they’ll add stress where there is enough stress already.  We will be going down to visit with DH’s grandmother this Easter, she can enjoy the kids more, then.

DH’s grandfather was a really nice man and when I first met him I thought he was my dad…I seriously did.  I woke up to the sound of my father speaking, walked by him and thought, “Holy shit why is my DAD here?”  Then I realized who he was.  Even he and my dad would joke that they were twins. 

Along the same lines, but not really……
I was explaining to BT how ‘Great-Papa’ was dead. To illustrate what I was talking about I found a picture of my Granny who died one month before I met DH.  I have been telling DH that my Granny is with us.  I can feel her presence at times and I talk to her often.  The most solid evidence that I have is that both children would stare off into space, like they were looking at something taller than them (to the naked eye it looked like they were staring at the ceiling) and then begin to giggle and babble baby talk.  LT did this more often than BT.  So when I pulled out the picture LT wanted to see.  As soon as I turned the picture so that he could see what it was his face lit up and he began chuckling and ‘talking’.  He pointed at the picture and said “gaeee’.  I’m not positive he was saying Granny, but then again I’m never positive when ever he says anything. You could tell that he knew who was in the picture.  He even grabbed it from me and just stood there holding it in front of his face and talking at it and pointing to it and giving me his question grunt, like “Do you see this?!”  Then he did something that almost made me cry, he tried to lay his head down on her.  She wasn’t 3D so of course he couldn’t lay on her but he tried.  I asked him if he knew who that was and he nodded yes.  I asked him if he lays with her and he said yes again.  I’m sure that there are a gazillion people out there that will tell me it was all conicidence or I’m just reading too much into it, but I know better….I know that she’s around, and she’s probably giving my youngest the idea that dirty socks in dog water is FUN!  At least she can be with the kids.  BT, By the way, just said, “I think I know her” but I’m sure he’s too old to remember.  I’m glad that LT did though. 

Sis’ Party Ruled! 
Or, ‘One Down, Two to Go’

Well Sis’ party was last night (Saturday).  Lots of people showed up there was drinking, laughing, pool-playing, and fun had by all!  The best part had to be her Birthday cake, it was specially made by the wonderful bakery lady at Publix.  She did a pretty good job seeing as she used a bear mold….

He was jostled during transportation, some moron cut me off, FUCKERS! Beaver-HATERS!!! ah-hem…anyway…

His face, I didn’t get one of his tail but it was cute too!

With his birthday horns, I mean candles…

That’s about all the pictures I got beside the one of sis being drunk and photographing everyone…

Well, now I only have to worry about my youngest son’s birthday and my best friend’s birthday…sure, I’m celebrating mine next Saturday, but I just have to show up, THANK GAWD!!!!!!

What Do You Do When The Government Gives You a Birthday/Valentine’s Day Present?

Why, You Spend It!

We received our refunds this morning.  I now have money, AND I’ve paid off all the credit cards.  We got a paycheck also so that gives us even more money to play with! YAY!!! So Happy Birthday to ME! 

Thank You to everyone who wished me well, mentioned me on their blogs (that was supper cool, folks, I had perma smile!)

I was at my dad’s yesterday and when I came home I saw this;

  It was from my mom and step-dad, although I thought that my husband (who was working from home) had actually gone out and gotten me a little something before I got back home…Again, with giving him more credit than he deserves….Oh well, he’s a man.  He is suppose to go out today to buy me a gift for my birthday/valentine’s day (yes, it is as annoying as it seems to have to roll valentine’s day and my birthday together, I despise V-day and not because of my birthday, it’s just a really stupid holiday).  
   I doubt that I’ll get him anything..I mean I REALLY hate this fucking holiday…full of red, pink, purple, white, hearts, chocolates, flowers, it’s truly SICK and the only good thing to come of this holiday are those little conversation hearts, YUM!  Yeah, so this entry was really not going to have much to do with Valentine’s day but here I went on a venting soap boxy rampage, so deal with it.  Now go buy the valentine’s chocolate in the little heart box, pay 10 times more than you should for roses (they’ll be back to $9.95/dz tomorrow, btw) and then surprise her…..I just want some office furniture and kid-free time….is that too much to ask?

*This entry has been cynical with a touch of sarcasm thrown in for good measure, please take this entry with a huge giant grain of salt, as a matter of fact, take it with an entire salt mine..unless you feel the same as I and you HATE V-day…then join me in my bitch-fest!

Happy Birthday
TO ME!!!!!
Hope you all can read that!

 Now, go get me presents! LOL

THANKS, MOM!
Click it, it’s a link!