Changes on The Homefront

Well, the DH is on his way to Virginia.  I had it with him and told him to just move his sorry ass outta here.....he got transferred to VA.

Ok, not really...but hey it sounds all dramatic and shit, right?  Actually, he's on a business trip.  He has to go to his VA office and HIRE (yeah, his company is actually HIRING people...of course they're in the process of laying off 1,000..but we won't go into that) 7 people.  He'll be gone all week and I get to remain behind and take care of these heathens err, children, all by myself.  He's driving up there, we both hate the Airport (I moreso than he) and they pay him per mile, anyway. FREE MONEY! WHEEEEEEEEE!

So, I get a week away from the DH...I'll probably end up cleaning.  The last time he went on a business trip, LT was almost 4 weeks old, and DH went to France.  I spent the entire week nursing and cleaning.  Well, there was a lot of crying and cursing too but, that's another post for another day. 

I sort of look forward to business trips, they give us time apart to remember how much we truly belong together.  Then again, I have this morbid side that thinks, "If he gets into a fatal accident, I'll be so pissed that he was there on BUSINESS!"  Sort of like, he didn't really HAVE to be there...ya know?  Yeah, my mind is crazy, it's ok..I told you, I'm on medication!

I just keep picturing in my mind, him leaving, then him returning.  I can't wait until he returns, he'll be tired but damnit, he'll be HOME!  He feels a little guilty for leaving me but I keep telling him, "Honey, it could be worse, you could be on a ship out in the Gulf!"  He sort of gets that 'oh yeah' look then he goes back to feeling guilty...men.

In other news....

I went to our local Wal-Mart on Saturday, I just wanted to let everyone know (Hussy, listen up) Everyone in the WORLD was at the local Wal-Mart, I'm serious, I do belive Saddam, Bush and Blair were there...I couldn't move, think, breathe, or keep sane.  I got my groceries (under $100, hell yeah, baby!) and left, QUICKLY!

So, last night I'm watching 'The Real World', waiting for 'The Osbournes' to come on. Seeing as it's later in the evening and MTV is for teenagers, I had to sit through about 20 Video game commercials.  It was when I was watching the 905th commercial that I realize that in the 20 mins I have been watching MTV I have seen more violence than I have seen watching War coverage all fucking weekend...and we wonder why teens are such angry beings??????

I have decided that I will start emphasising my entries more, 'cause you know, I don't do that enough with my and and and and all those !!!!!'s.  So now, you'll all get some BOLD CAPITALIZED words...all over the place.  Ok, really I'm just bored outta my gourd and this helps me take up time, or something.

So, these are some recent tulip pics I took, click for a larger image, OH! and see if you can guess the 'WHAT IS IT?';

   <-WIT?

So, BT brings me Iris and I tell him, "Hang on to her, let me take a picture."  So we get in our picture place (the front door) and BT or Iris, keeps moving, I can't get a decent shot.  Then I finally get a decent, in focus, shot and this is what I got;

Dude, that picture just cracks me the fuck up, everytime I look at it!

Of course, LT had to get in on the picture taking action, too;

The child likes to hold the bottom of his stomach or a little lower..he's male, what can I say? And, no, he isn't on crack..the flash on my camera is *not* flattering!

A co-worker/friend of my DH reads this blog.  I have, as of late, been a little on the conservative side regarding what I post.  There are times that I forget he reads this and I talk about my past drug use or stupid things that I've done...yeah, there are a lot of those.  Usually though, I think my posts through, ok, so sometimes it's a .0004 second "well this looks ok", but hey, at least I'm thinking, a little.  Of course the 'sexy' photo of DH, well that had to make his eyes bleed....too bad he didn't rag on my DH about that, I can think of about 5 things off the top of head right now. 

Anyway, back to the subject..yeah there is one, somewhere.  I just want to make sure that people realize that my DH is a pretty square guy.  I can get wild and crazy, especially around the Hussy, but DH..well the guy doesn't even really drink.  A wild night for him is downloading movies or music...or working on a website or something.  I, on the other hand, need constant stimulation (of the MIND, people, the MIND!) and excitement.  I enjoy a good drunkfest..nights with bob, crazy parties with Hussy's friends.  I am a Stay-At-Home-Mom who used to be the neighborhood wild child, for godssake...I've domesticated myself plenty..I just need an outlet.

And just in case, some of the newer readers haven't figured this out yet;

1. I am cynical at times, a lot of times.
2. I'm funny, REALLY funny if you meet me in person...
3. I'm extrememly facetious when it comes to who I am. Ok, I'm always facetious, but still.
4. I love to joke with people.
5. I'm SUPER relaxed and not too much bothers me, well there is plenty that bothers me but I just tell DH about it and then I'm over it.
6. I usually forget that others aren't as relaxed as I am and I end up offending them, or shocking them.
7. Take almost everything that I say that seems really bad (like when I talk about eating my children) as a joke..a JOKE..because that is all it is...that's my way of venting daily frustrations, and letting off excess energy.

Oh, I like lists, too but I rarely use them, because I forget that I like them....I forget A LOT, childbirth rids your body of brain cells, nursing sucks them right out of there, and weed...well, hell, let's just say that I can't really remember being 16-17.

So, there you go...a little post about me and the DH.  Ok, so it's more about me, but gawd damnit...this is M Y blog...helloooo people???!?!?!?!

Oh, here's your daily Iris pic;

She's in the cat bed..that the cat's never use.

Photos..yay!

My Tulips, or some of them anyway.

Close-up of a Tulip (yeah, I know you already knew that)

Well, lookie there, more tulips! (no, I do NOT weed..although I should)

Sleeping baby!

Botanical Art

Sam and Iris

Sunshine and Iris

Puppy Pose!

Eating weeds...who needs Round-Up?
(Yes, I took the weeds away from her and explained that she was not a cow, nor a cattle dog)

Well, that's it for today, folks!  Have a happy Thursday and remember, Friday is TOMORROW!! YAY!!

April Fool's Day Fun

So, yesterday was April 1, 2003 AKA 'April Fool's Day'.  So what did your beloved turtlemama do?  Why I played a mean and awful prank on my poor defenseless DH.

I had B call the house while DH was downstairs with me.  She has a private number so that he wouldn't know it was her, if he even bothered to look at the caller ID.  I then answered the phone and asked, "May I ask who's calling?"  DH's cell phone rang when I answered the phone but he heard me ask who was calling.  He took his call and I walked around the back of the house and told B that he was on the phone but had heard me ask who was calling.  We then hung up and I waited for DH to finish his call.  After he hung up I asked him if he ever talked to an ex-girlfriend on the phone.  He told me, "No".  I then asked how she got our phone number.  This sent DH into a panicked terror.  I then acted all pissy and mad and stewed for a bit, he was terrifed and just kept saying, "Really honey, I DON'T KNOW!!!!"  Then I finally said, "NAAAH!! I'm just kidding, it was B! APRIL FOOL'S!!!!!!!"  He laughed then regained his composure and told me that I was mean.   It was pretty funny, I really wish I had my camera because the look on his face when I told him who had 'supposedly' called was PRICELESS!!!!!!!!

I'm a mean and diabolical wife, but DAMNIT ALL TO HELL...I....am.....F U N N Y !!!!!!!

Is anyone on my buddy list anymore?

I check my yahoo messenger (turtlemamadamit) and no one is ever online, well except my DH, who is on all the time, but, hell I can talk to him any day!!!  So, if anyone wants to chat when they're bored, just add me to your buddy list, I'll be more than happy to chat.

So, nothing too new today.  Iris *really* likes Alice, but Alice is less than thrilled about having, yet ANOTHER new puppy in the house (she acted the same way with Sunshine).  She's coming around, though.  Instead of automatically hissing and batting her paws at Iris she just raises a paw, saying, "Back off you swarmy little bitch-dog, I may not have claws but I can still beat your furry little ass."  Iris just walks away.  Why can I not find an animal that will put Alice in her place?  Ok, Sammie did but only because Sammie was here first and Alice was TERRIFIED of dogs when we got her.  Now, though, Alice doesn't give a damn if a big slobbering dog comes up to her, she'll just bitch-slap it.  Speaking of Iris and Alice........

LT just watching Iris play with her turtle.

You didn't REALLY think you'd get away without new Iris pictures did you???

Have a great day everyone!!

More Iris Pictures...

Yeah, you should be good and sick of them after this..I'll stop soon, I swear!

So, the kids got home yesterday and we put Iris on their bed then told them to go play in their room for a bit.  BT cried a little because he didn't want to play in his room.  While he was looking at me and crying LT walked up to the bed pointed at Iris and grunted in his questioning grunt (yeah, he grunts and I can tell which one means what..being a mom..ahhh).  Then, BT turned around and still crying, asked, "Who is that puppy on my bed? What's her name?"  They then played with her and LT is just totally in love with her and BT just wants her to play (Sunshine and Sammie aren't playing types..they're weird). 

She has started to 'come out of her shell' more and is playing with Sunshine and Sammie when we go outside.  She also goes right to the grass does her business then comes back into the garage and sits.  She is a really great dog, and we're spoiling her, like we REALLY don't need to be doing.  She sleeps in the bed with me and DH.  Dh says that she's "alright" when I ask if he likes her...he's so in love with this dog it's scary! 

All last night she just snuggled with my feet, then this morning she snuggled with my nose.  She's such a sweet dog and even though it's a bit of added stress on me, she's well worth it!  Well, I have to go rescue her from the children...they love her to pieces...literally! (ok, not really, both kids know how to handle dogs, hell we have enough of them!)

Riddle of the Day

What happens when you take a married couple, childless for the weekend, also big animal lovers.  They get the idea that getting the third cat would be ok, they could surprise the oldest child with her when he returns home.  They head off to animal shelters looking for the one perfect cat (white with grey tabby spots).  They, of course being animal lovers, check out all the cute little puppies, too.  So what happens???

Why, they get a puppy of course!  Do they get a cat though?...No.

Yes, you read that correctly.  Dh and I went looking for our 3rd and final cat, couldn't find one and then I found HER, the perfect puppy that I've always wanted (but was too afraid to tell DH that I wanted, until AFTER we moved)....Please welcome 'Miss Iris'..aka 'Butter', because she melts like butter when you hold her.

I have always wanted a little mixed terrier puppy..but they are hard to find.  Now I found her...yeah, DH and I decided that we're just gluttons for punishment.  She's a great dog though, so far she's only piddled and pooed outside and she LOVES to be a big ball of mush when she's being held (which is all the time, she was at the shelter with her sisters and is having some separation anxiety). Another cool thing about her is that she was in the EXACT same cage as Sammie (the black lab) when we got Sam as a puppy, over 5 years ago!!!

We've also decided that instead of 3 kids and 2 dogs, we'll just have 3 dogs and 2 kids (it's really cheaper this way, and I don't have to nurse the dog!)

Ok, funny story.......

This might not be funny to most people, it's abso-fucking-lutely hillarious to my sister and myself (even DH who usually doesn't find my funny 'bob' stories funny at all, gets a chuckle out of this)....

I was 17 at the time and was basically living with my sister and her ex-fiance.  I was always at her house and I was always usually high.  One particular night my sister and I decide that Pizza Hut would be an awesome idea (no traveling and hey those breadsticks, ROCK!).  So hussy calls Pizza Hut and is trying her best to keep her composure and place our order.  I kept making her laugh (which, if you've ever smoked pot, is a VERY easy thing to do).  So she finally manages to spit out our order of a pizza, but, she forgets the breadsticks.  So I am quietly saying, "Don't forget the breasticks...BREADSTICKS!"  Well, she's busy talking to the pizza guy so I decide to yell so that the pizza guy will hear me.  So I walk next to my sis and start yelling, "Don't forget the breadsticks!! We need breadsticks!! BUNCHES AND BUNCHES OF BREADSTICKS!!!!!!!!!!!! LOTS OF 'EM!"  Well this sends my sister into major fits of laughter and the poor pizza hut guy is laughing his ass off, I'm still yelling "BREADSTICKS!! BUNCHES AND BUNCHES OF BREADSTICKS!!"  Finally my sister says, "yeah, we need breadsticks too."  This of course sends me into a fit of laughter and the order is finally placed.  I'm sure those guys knew we were intoxicated (how could you NOT?!), but they gave us our pizza and didn't call the cops..THANKS, GUYS!

I'll have more stories for you next week...maybe even a special one this weekend..but my mom is taking the kids and BT is feeling better, I didn't get a cold, THANKYOUJEEZUS, or Zicam rather... Have a great weekend!

GAH! you people want an entry don't you?  Well fine then......Let me think of something.  I know, you tell me a funny story and then I'll post a funny story (or 5) tomorrow....come on! It'll be F U N !!!!